Situation : 01
I became pregnant in very unfortunate circumstances. I had been having a relationship with someone who had been told that he couldn’t have children, so we hadn’t been using contraception. On what must have been the last occasion that we had sex though – just before we broke up – I became pregnant. I found out two weeks later.
On finding out, I felt 30% happy, 30% devastated and 40% confused. The father made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with the situation, and I really didn’t know what to do myself. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that I made the decision to have an abortion. It was a difficult decision – I would definitely like to have children one day – but I knew it just wasn’t the right time for me to have a baby.
Setting up the procedure was fairly straightforward and I had an early medical abortion at six weeks – the process is that you go in on the first day and take a tablet, and a few days later you insert a tampon that is infused with another drug. That empties your womb.
This procedure was quite simple, but not without its problems – you go through much of it at home, and I did feel very numb and alone
Situation: 2
A YOUNG mother clamps her hand over her baby as she tries to smother him in shocking footage played to a court. Seconds earlier, the secret hospital cameras had captured Shantaniqua Scott, 18, placing a blanket over the four-month-old’s face. The baby desperately kicks and struggles for life – and by the time she removes her hand, his body appears limp and still.
Incredibly, he survived the attempt on his life after alarms went off and doctors rushed in to help him. The footage was yesterday played to a courtroom in Fort Worth, Texas, where Scott is on trial for attempting to kill her baby son Raymond Jurors sat in stunned silence as the sickening video was played.
The tot had been taken into hospital after he was reported to have stopped breathing. Doctors at first thought he suffered from severe acid reflux, when acid from the stomach backs up into the oesophagus. He had surgery to correct the condition and was released from the Cook Children’s Medical Centre.
But two days later he was back in the emergency unit after he mysteriously stopped breathing again.
Staff suspected he was the victim of abuse and set up a hidden camera on the ward.
Heart specialist Dr Sami Heed said the baby would have died but for the intervention of staff when his monitors sounded an alarm. He told the court: “I get night sweats when I think about it.
“I take care of the sickest of the sick. His life was being put in danger by someone who was supposed to take care of him.”
Jurors were told Scott confessed to police she no longer wanted to care for her son and admitted smothering him.
Sgt Pedro Criado, of Fort Worth Police Department, said Scott told detectives she did not want her child anymore. He added: “She just basically stated that she wanted to go back to that carefree attitude she had before she had the child.”
Doctors said it was not known if the child, now being looked after by social workers, would have any lasting injuries from the lack of oxygen.
Scott faces life imprisonment if convicted of two counts of causing serious bodily injury to a child in July 2010.
Situation: 3
If you are a woman who has spent your life imagining what it would be like to have a child, then you know how exciting it is when you finally decide that you are ready to make that leap. You are finally prepared to put yourself second. You are willing to make a child the number one priority in life. You are ready to get pregnant.
If you are a woman who has tried and tried and who has been unable to conceive, then you also know the veritable barrage of emotions that you encounter — grief, embarrassment, uselessness.
As a 27 year-old woman I have been married for almost three years and have been with the same man since I was a junior in high school. I can hardly remember a time when I didn’t want to have children with him. I cannot remember a time at all, for that matter, when I didn’t daydream about being a mother. I feel very strongly that we are all on this planet for a very specific reason and I have always thought that my reason was being a mother.
Every woman in my family is like a fertility machine. They get pregnant the first time they try. They get pregnant every time they try. Imagine my surprise when after a year of trying I still wasn’t pregnant.
You might not think about it often, but it’s a relative shot in the dark. It is amazing how many people get pregnant unexpectedly, actually. It has to happen one of three or four specific days which are often hard to pinpoint for many women.
Frustration sets in. Why me? Why can so many people get pregnant the one time they have unprotected sex while I’m doing everything ever suggested by doctors, old wives tales, myths, and the woman down the street who has eight kids?
When you spend a year trying to conceive and are unable, it is often considered an early sign of infertility. You (and your partner) are then subjected to every test under the sun, most of which involve full or partial nudity in front of one or more people, often with legs spread in a very compromising position.
For many, these tests reveal very little. Some slight hormonal imbalances, a “barely” low count here or there. These things all result in orders to eat better, lose weight, and are more likely than not accompanied by some sort of medication that will throw your body into complete turmoil — in my case, starvation tempered by the fact that the sight of food makes me sick. Exhausted but unable to sleep. Oh, and did I mention the hot flashes?
Another year goes by. I start to feel guilty. My husband and I have always planned to have children. The doctors believe it is likely something in my body causing the problem. As a woman, if I am not able to conceive, what is my purpose? I can say with absolute certainty that my husband does not hold even an ounce of contempt or blame for me. That does not hold off the guilt and feelings of uselessness. They rear their ugly heads on a daily basis.
With the guilt comes the worst feeling of all. When you want so desperately to have a child and cannot, you begin to begrudge the people around you the same happiness you want for yourself.
One of my best friends becomes pregnant. I am simultaneously happy for her and extremely bitter. Her baby shower is torture because not only do I feel angry that things are so good for her, I feel like a heinous person for even having these thoughts in the first place. I am angry at everyone, including myself.
The kicker of all of this? Stress, they say, makes it harder to conceive. Right. No problem.
So here we are, almost three years into the process (because that’s exactly what it’s become – a process) with no results. I am on the cusp of having exploratory surgery to see if there is something being missed. Fertility treatments are not an option for us. Adoption would be wonderful… five years down the road after we can save up the $25,000+ that it would take.
It would be nice for this to have a happy ending like me writing in all bold letters “I’m pregnant!” I’m not. But, I can say that taking the time to explore the virtual tidal wave of emotions that I’ve gone through, and am still experiencing, has made them much easier to weather.
A child … is considered as Hope … why not … indeed.
You were a child, once. I was too.
What if … our mothers had to go through one of the above mentioned situations? What then … ?
I won’t be here writing this … you won’t be here to read either …
May be the answer … to all situations … is Adoption!
Think people … A joey climbs into its mother’s pouch upon being born, honeybees communicate by dance the direction of a food source without formal instruction, animal courtships, internal escape functions, and building of nests … everyone of these … represent nature, natural instincts.
We humans are born for a purpose, we need guidance, pampering, love, and protection … most importantly bringing new lives in to the world … meaningful lives that is of course … for continuity.
Let’s hope … one day humans will learn to value human lives … once again …
Let’s hope … a baby labeled as ‘unwanted’ finds a ‘needy ‘mother …
for both … only have one thing … and one thing only …
Hope …
Anne’s Story
I don’t remember the first time I learned I was adopted. It wasn’t like in the movies: There was no shocking revelation or teary-eyed confession. It has just always been a part of who I am.
Sure, when I was younger it sometimes made me feel different than the other children. Whenever I made a wish, especially on my birthday, I would think of my biological mother. I’d wonder where I came from and if she shared my eye color. But most of the time, my adoption story just struck me as special. My mom was somewhat religious and told me it was God’s way of putting our family together. So I just always knew this was how my life was meant to be, and it was never something I kept hidden.
Over the years, I’ve felt so fortunate for the life I’ve led. My mom repeatedly reassured me how my biological parents chose adoption because they loved me, so I’ve never once resented their choice. Instead, I’m thankful for the opportunities adoption has provided me – an amazing childhood with caring parents. My dad was a lawyer who coached all of my sports teams, and my mom was a teacher who stayed at home with us for a good chunk of our childhood. I lived in a nice suburb of Chicago, and I was always surrounded by my large extended family. My brother was also adopted from The Cradle, so I didn’t feel alone in that regard.
Still, in the past, I did occasionally find it difficult to relate to other people. But that feeling was rare, and when it happened I would turn to my parents for comfort. They would help me understand my background, or at least as much as they knew about it. I was adopted in 1979 when closed adoption was still the norm, so the information they could pass on was limited. Even so, they knew my history was important, and they even brought me back to The Cradle to see the nursery where I stayed as a baby.
About a year ago, I reached out to The Cradle to find out more about my biological parents. I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and wanted to do a file check on my medical history. As luck would have it, it turned out my biological mother had also recently contacted The Cradle to reach out to me. One of The Cradle’s social workers asked if I would be willing to exchange a letter, and so I did.
I still don’t know my biological mother too well, but I think she was relieved to hear how I’ve turned out. But because my life has been more tumultuous recently, I’m taking our reconnection just one step at a time, moving forward at a slow pace. I’ve only written that one letter, and she has sent me a couple. Still, I’m eager to strengthen our relationship and I’m looking forward to what lies ahead.
And it’s Hope …
Don’t you think?
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